Uncategorized, Update

It’s been a long time.. (Update)

Hi, I don’t remember last time I was on here, nor do I want to look. I know I enjoy writing, but it takes a lot of motivation to start. I’m not making any promises to myself, but I will just write when I want to, or when I need to.

I finished college, so I am finally a qualified makeup artist, but I’m struggling to get a job at the minute as I have no retail experience and unfortunately that is looked more highly upon, no matter your qualifications. However I am thinking of going to University next September to study Creative Makeup, and actually get a degree, which I never thought would happen!

I’ve started therapy again, for the fourth time, and hoping that I feel better and get taught better coping mechanisms for when I’m finished.

Tomorrow it is mine and my boyfriends 2 year anniversary and I couldn’t be more grateful to have someone who understands me and supports me through everything. Even in my darkest hours, he’s always there. A lot of people talk about love like its absolutely perfect, but it’s not. You have your little spats here and there, and go through some tough shit, but you do it together, and still love each other just as much.

I’m also raising money for my friend and his brother by shaving my hair off on the 27th of November! If you would like to read about their story and donate click here! Any donation will help so much, whether its £1 or £10.

Other than that, I don’t really know much of what I’m doing right now, but that’s okay. I don’t need to have a plan for everything.

Goodbye for now little buns.

 

 

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Uncategorized, Update

I hate myself. 

I always try to promote positivity and self love. I smile, laugh and pretend that everything is fine and that I live a normal, happy life. But that’s far from the truth.

As much as I try and convince myself otherwise, I hate myself. I very strongly, whole heartedly, hate myself. I find myself disgusting, repulsive and just an absolute mess of a human being. 

Sure, I know that I’m a good person, but my body is something that I just completely loathe. I can honestly say there isn’t one part of my body that I like, apart from my right eyebrow in a mirrored image if that counts. 

I’ve spent night after night searching online how to lose weight, what the best methods are, what the new fads are, and even whether I should just starve myself. I sit on the internet for hours, lost and completely numb. No matter what I do now, it doesn’t work. In late 2015 I lost a lot of weight and was happy, but here I am, just over a year later and a whopping 5 stone heavier, disgusted at myself for what I have become. 

I hate myself. 

Goodbye for now little buns, hopefully I can make a change 

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advice, Uncategorized

You are not your mind

I’ve been watching a lot of videos explaining that you are not your mind, but in a sense that,  that lil tiny shitty voice inside your head that says all those bad things about you and other people, isn’t you. Sure it might feel like that sometimes and you might even believe it or agree with it, but you don’t have to. You are so much more than your mind, your conscious is a great thing and you can be in control. Meditating for 5minutes+ a day can really help you to disconnect from that mean voice in your head and connect to you and what you want/need. There is actually a lot of videos on YouTube to help you meditate, and the more you do it, the better you feel. Inner happiness is something that takes time to build up, but even the journey is so rewarding. I can’t even begin to explain the feeling and I’ve only been properly into it for the past couple of weeks. I would 100% recommend looking into it and The Messy Effect on YouTube. It’s like some sort of realisation that comes with instant hope. Anyway I’ll keep you guys updated and I hope you start your journey to inner happiness and peace. 

Goodbye for now little buns 

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