Uncategorized, Update

I hate myself. 

I always try to promote positivity and self love. I smile, laugh and pretend that everything is fine and that I live a normal, happy life. But that’s far from the truth.

As much as I try and convince myself otherwise, I hate myself. I very strongly, whole heartedly, hate myself. I find myself disgusting, repulsive and just an absolute mess of a human being. 

Sure, I know that I’m a good person, but my body is something that I just completely loathe. I can honestly say there isn’t one part of my body that I like, apart from my right eyebrow in a mirrored image if that counts. 

I’ve spent night after night searching online how to lose weight, what the best methods are, what the new fads are, and even whether I should just starve myself. I sit on the internet for hours, lost and completely numb. No matter what I do now, it doesn’t work. In late 2015 I lost a lot of weight and was happy, but here I am, just over a year later and a whopping 5 stone heavier, disgusted at myself for what I have become. 

I hate myself. 

Goodbye for now little buns, hopefully I can make a change 

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Uncategorized

I cut off my hair?!

Having any sort of mental illness means that urges are strong and frustrating. For months I’ve had such a need to shave my hair off, it felt like it wasn’t even an option, it was something I had to do, but apparently people will “worry” and think I’ve “gone mad”.

 So yesterday I sat down and chopped my hair off. I didn’t go too drastic but even so it felt liberating. Just being able to cut away something that is so easy to become attached to, and forget it ever existed. If you’re contemplating this- go for it! 
Here’s my before and after- 


That was it in a pony and then a fishtail braid, probably just past my boob..


And this is it now! I’m hoping to upload the video of me cutting it off as soon as possible. Hope you like it! 

Goodbye for now little buns! 

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Uncategorized

A poem(?) 

I’m struggling, but I won’t say a word.

I’m falling to pieces, but I’ll smile and laugh.

The tears are rolling down my cheeks, but I won’t make a sound.

My mind and body are exhausted, but I’m always here to help. 

I’m terrified of tomorrow, but  I’ll never let you down. 

My days are filled with self hatred, but I’ll always tell you to love yourself. 

I can barely make it through the day, but I’ll always make sure you get through yours. 

I relapsed again, but I’ll never tell.

I want to tell you how much this hurts, but I can’t.   

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Uncategorized

WHY 

Okay so I was having a fab time when I found a “beauty outlet” shop with Stila products that were practically half price, I grabbed a ton of it and just before paying texted my mum to check if it was vegan. 

But no, they decide to rub make up in little bunnies eyes to make sure we can slap it on our face. When did our vanity become more important than an animals quality of life? It pisses me right off. 

But anyway I got some B. face wipes which I ran out of decades ago so my face will thank me for that. 

I’m thinking of doing a giveaway at 250 followers, what kind of things would you be interested in? Let me know! 

Goodbye for now little buns! 

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advice, beauty, how to, makeup, Uncategorized, youtube

How to: be poor

As you can probably tell there was a little bit of sarcasm in the title but in all seriousness though I have 12p. However, being skint, doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything. 

I’m the type of person who “hates everyone” (mainly when I’m in town) unless I have chosen them as a friend- some people just have no common sense and get in the way, like what are you dooooing. But yeah, the people I choose to spend time with are great and I could spend everyday with them. 

So here’s some cheap/free activities to do with your chosen people;

Go on a walk; I know this is probably pretty obvious but sometimes it’s nice to just be out the house, soaking up your surroundings and having a good chat

Girls night; now, if you’re prepared, this can be dirt cheap. Root through your freezer for food that you can cook in advance and have out to snack on. Face masks can be easily made at home with your average household kitchen items, and if a bit of a chocolate face mask accidentally drops into your mouth then you just have to eat it don’t you. I’m guessing you probably have a, or some, nail varnish- nail art can be done using toothpicks and Bobby pins, and can take some time. And lastly, chuck on a good chick flick, you can’t go wrong.

Film/post; if you’re a blogger or YouTuber, getting your friends involved in your posts or videos can be pretty fun, and free if you already have the equipment, and considering you are reading this on some sort of phone or laptop, you probably do! 

Chill; whether this is done in a park, garden, living room, some chill time is always good. Sunbathing, watching TV, or grabbing a coffee (for those with at least £2.50) is always much better with company. Recently I have been trying to meditate often,it lets your mind rest and when done with others can be quite an experience. 

I hope this fuelled your mind to think of some free activities, it’s always nice to spend time with you’re friends, family and one your love. Stay positive. Goodbye for now little buns! 

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advice, Uncategorized

I’m a fat vegan

HEY GUYS 

So I see so many things online about people using veganism to lose weight and have a healthy lifestyle, but I find so many things that are accidentally vegan and then eat it all..oops. Let’s be honest I know you’re curious so here’s a little list for you; Pringles, co op jam donuts, Oreos, popcorn, kettle chips, chilli Doritos, apple pie…. Do you see why I struggle?? 

I haven’t put on weight since going vegan, but I haven’t lost any either. I know I need to knuckle down so I am taking each day as it comes. Let’s see what the future holds, eh? Hopefully some good shit 

Goodbye for now little buns 

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advice, Uncategorized

You are not your mind

I’ve been watching a lot of videos explaining that you are not your mind, but in a sense that,  that lil tiny shitty voice inside your head that says all those bad things about you and other people, isn’t you. Sure it might feel like that sometimes and you might even believe it or agree with it, but you don’t have to. You are so much more than your mind, your conscious is a great thing and you can be in control. Meditating for 5minutes+ a day can really help you to disconnect from that mean voice in your head and connect to you and what you want/need. There is actually a lot of videos on YouTube to help you meditate, and the more you do it, the better you feel. Inner happiness is something that takes time to build up, but even the journey is so rewarding. I can’t even begin to explain the feeling and I’ve only been properly into it for the past couple of weeks. I would 100% recommend looking into it and The Messy Effect on YouTube. It’s like some sort of realisation that comes with instant hope. Anyway I’ll keep you guys updated and I hope you start your journey to inner happiness and peace. 

Goodbye for now little buns 

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