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Laying my cards on the table

Okay, so, to have a blog I’m guessing you guys need to know about me. Well, first off, I’m 17 and currently stuck in a rut. I went to the doctors suffering from chest pains, shortness of breath, extreme dizziness and fatigue. After looking for all physical causes he said I was suffering from stress and anxiety and I should be “climbing Mount Everest in the morning and striding across the Sahara Desert at noon” and sent me on my way. Since then my anxiety has gotten a lot worse and I believe I am also suffering from depression.

My Mother believes that it is the stress of school that is affecting me and I am due to leave after my last exam on Friday. I have been searching high and low for an apprenticeship and after having a successful interview for one I am just not 100% that it is what I want to do. Although I do love working with children I’m not sure that I am completely ready for this. I am supposed to go in for a half day next week but after getting off the phone I burst into tears, I’ve never been so petrified in all my life. Which then makes me feel that perhaps it is not school that is causing my stress but just life itself.

I have always wanted to sing for a living but my low confidence and self esteem kicked that one out the window and to the bottom of the ocean. Then I wanted to work with make up, I love everything about it and how you can make somebody so happy by just applying make up on their face and enhancing their natural beauty. After watching youtube videos religiously I have always wanted my own channel but I just don’t know where to start. What would I film? Would anyone watch my videos? How to I make my channel different to all the millions of other beauty channels? But I suppose we shall see in the future if I ever jump into the deep end and just go for it.

Many moons ago I did have a youtube channel where I would just sing my little heart out. But after some digs from people at school I removed each video and deleted my channel.

So this is what is going on in my head at the moment, good bye for now little buns ^.^

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2 thoughts on “Laying my cards on the table

  1. Follow your passion and stop letting the thoughts of others influence your life decisions. If its makeup you love, keep practicing the craft and get very good at it. Trust me, then those who doubted you are going to want to get their makeup done by you. 😉 ( words from a makeup artist friend )

    I’m glad I ran across your post. A very good friend of my is also going through a similar situation as you. Her situation is a little deeper than yours though ( she’s getting professional help ). I believe, her problem is that she’s always stressing and concerning over the future that she forgets to live in the present. I always tell her that in order to be someone or somewhere in the future, she needs to start working towards it now because pondering about it is not going to get her anywhere. She needs to do do do!

    Good luck to you!

    Maria

    http://mstylefiles.com/

    • Thank you so much, you are so kind! I’m going to speak to my Mum about going the doctors as I’ve been struggling for over 5 years now. I’ve been looking for junior make up artistry jobs but there are none in my area 😦 I will keep practising though, maybe one day I can do freelancing.
      Best Wishes
      Chloe

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